it’s not gonna happen.

Every Saint Patrick’s Day, grade schoolers across America arrive to school bummed out to find that the leprechaun traps that they painstakingly worked on with their classmates have failed. The leprechaun(s) have once again broken out, leaving behind shamrock-shaped glitter and (if the kids are lucky) a chocolate coin or two.

Of all the holiday mascot traditions, this has to be the most disappointing one. They put their work, not to mention hopes and dreams, into finally catching one of those little fuckers, only to come up with bupkis year after year.

Santa Claus brings you presents. The Easter Bunny leaves a basket full of candy (and now also presents, apparently). The leprechaun leaves a mess for you to clean up. Fun.

I specified above that American children have this annual round of glitter sweeping to look forward to. This is because Ireland doesn’t have time for that kind of bullshit.

Elf on the shelf-ass made up tradition. SMDH.